An inspector from the Planetary Readiness Division is assessing whether Earth is ready for galactic contact and inclusion, or should remain quarantined.
These are the filed reports.
PREVIOUS FILED REPORT: EARTH LOG #001
EARTH LOG #002: The Grass Ritual
Field Inspector, Planetary Readiness Division (PRD)
Interstellar Compliance Bureau (ICB)
SOL-3 | EARTH-7 | MILKY WAY
Log Date: 2026.05.22
Following my observation of their urban forestry, I began my investigation of what lies immediately adjacent.
I found the lawn.
One might assume a civilization living on a planet with such vast landmass would utilize the soil for maximum biodiversity, sustainable food production or vital carbon sequestration.
Instead, the dominant species have developed a ritual around a plant called grass.
This should not be mistaken for the native flora which have evolved for thousands of years.
No.
The humans have systematically cleared millions of hectares of native forests, wildflowers and varied ecosystems and have replaced them with non-native species of green grass. They call this a lawn.
It produces no food. It hosts no native wildlife. It serves no survival purpose, a fact the dominant species entirely ignores.
The ritual is as follows and you may need to sit down for this.
They grow this grass. Then they cut it. Then they water it so it grows again…
(pauses)
Then they cut it again.
They have industrialized this cycle and named it with pride.
Every seventh rotation of the planet, the humans wheel out loud, primitive combustion engines that burn fossil fuels for the purpose of slicing the top few centimeters off the grass.
When I raised concerns with their local leaders, I was told with great enthusiasm that they now have electric mowers.
As if the power source of the decapitation was the issue.
The madness goes deeper.
To achieve total uniformity, they weaponize the terrain against itself. They use heavy, industrialized rollers to deliberately compact the soil until the microscopic air pockets collapse.
Yes, they intentionally suffocate the subterranean ecosystem, crushing the native worms, fungi and microbes just to ensure the surface remains flat.
To make matters worse, the humans living in their urban centers are legally and socially required to ensure the plant never completes its natural life cycle.
The plant is legally prohibited from being a plant.
If a native plant—what they call a weed–dares to sprout and introduce biodiversity to the dirt, they panic. They flood the soil with toxic chemical poisons to eliminate these plants from their grass territories. These chemicals leach into their groundwater, contaminating the same water supply they drink from.
They are poisoning their water to protect the grass.
The grass they grow only to cut.
One of these native plants they have declared war against is the dandelion. A flowering plant that is edible from root to bloom. It is medicinal, drought resistant, requires zero maintenance and is a critical early food source for their pollinators.
It grows freely and without assistance.
Regardless, every spring, humans spend considerable time, money and chemicals attempting to eliminate it. This obsession is due to aesthetics.
The humans want their lawn to be a flat, green carpet. Dandelions ruin this look.
I asked a local resident for clarification.
“It looks messy,” was all they said.
I wondered if they realize these flowers are the first to bloom in early spring, providing local bees their first food available after winter hibernation.
It seems humans have disconnected themselves so completely from nature to the point that they actively fight against the planet’s own ecological intelligence.
Their actions are so completely at odds with their environment that I have begun to wonder whether they are truly indigenous to this world.
I have observed this grass ritual across the lands they call North America, Europe, Australia and beyond. It appears to have been spreading for some centuries. The precise origin is less interesting than the current scale of the damage.
I reviewed their historical records regardless. I discovered the practice began around medieval fortifications. Castle grounds were kept clear of vegetation so guards could detect approaching enemies at a distance.
I accept this was logical then. But I searched the records of modern suburban humans for the enemy they are currently watching for.
I found none.
Their only enemies appear to be themselves and their ignorance of the living reality around them.
There is more.
Across the lands they call North America, if a human allows native plants to grow past a strict arbitrary threshold, usually 20 centimeters, local councils dispatch enforcers empowered to impose financial penalties of up to 500 of their currency.
When I reviewed their municipal archives for the justification, city officials stated that keeping grass short prevents it from releasing reproductive pollen that might aggravate human respiratory systems.
The logical contradiction is staggering.
As documented in Earth Log #1, this civilization’s atmosphere is already saturated with self-inflicted pollen catastrophe because their urban planners deliberately planted almost exclusively male trees across their cities to avoid the minor inconvenience of clearing female seed pods from their sidewalks, a practice their own botanists have quietly documented as botanical sexism.
They weaponized their own air to keep their concrete tidy.
They are now threatening citizens with financial penalties if a blade of grass attempts to do the same thing.
I am perplexed that no one in their administrative structure appears to have placed these two policies side by side.
I am not finished.
The resource cost of this cosmetic fixation is shocking. My scans show they dump billions of litres of fresh, treated drinking water onto these useless patches of green just to keep them from turning yellow under the sun. This even occurs in regions currently experiencing water scarcity.
They are using scarce water to grow grass they will cut.
I asked several locals why they participate in this exhausting cycle of watering, poisoning and decapitating grass.
The first said: “Property values. And if I don’t mow it, the city will fine me.”
The second said: “It’s just how it is.”
Another said: “My wife makes me.”
I asked the wife.
She said: “The neighbours do it and I want to have a pretty lawn.”
(Sighs)
Let me summarize.
The humans are facing a global water scarcity crisis. They are facing an atmospheric carbon crisis.
Despite these threats, they spend their limited financial resources and planetary reserves maintaining a forced monoculture that actively depletes water, burns fossil fuels and poisons the earth.
All because they are terrified of what their neighbors will think if their dirt looks natural.
Recommendation: Maintain Class 3 Status
(Monitor for signs of collective wisdom. Current indicators remain low)
Further observations will follow.
END OF LOG #002
NEXT FILED REPORT: EARTH LOG #003
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As a human living in North America I also am not a fan of the grass ritual.
Collective wisdom is certainly lacking 😂